Redid half of the screw placements for the puzzles. Looks much better.

Day whatever of still not feeling right. LFT's say no covid but have felt like crap for several days now. No fun.

I've thought for many years that this over-inflated egotistical shallow narcissist of a fucking windbag was a genuine cunt and if you need more proof, here you are - Russell - The Cunt - Brand

a 'nothing' day. Even after a bottle of wine nothing is really happening. I think I wore myself out yesterday.
Test not yet done
Wondering how to repurpose and revitalise a domain that could be useful for the Community. It could also be a dumpster fire.
I really should have a shower

Productive day. Got Shit Done

Got a text from my doctor's practice saying to expect a package from a certain company
It arrived, and asks me for a urine sample as my doctor believes I am at risk of kidney disease.
It would have been nice to have known about this possibility earlier.

A lovely Big Issue seller told me earlier that she has advised her kids (6!) that she needs to see if she gets enough customers to be able to buy a Christmas tree.
I bought a copy of the Big Issue from her for way more than I do usually and she now has enough money for a tree.
Hopefully some kids will be smiling later.

Turns out that laying the pine bookshelf on it's side was a good idea

Jeddah F1 starting at 1730 so around 1600 went to the pub with the dogs for a beer.
Sitting at the bar with the hounds and a guy walks past (on his way to the Gents). Stops and says that I look exactly like his dad. Like freaky identical. I reply that I'd read we all have a double but he was "Hey, this is freaky"
So maybe there are two identical guys who are no oil paintings!

In the pub, a lady stops to stroke my two dogs. I compliment her on the hand- knitted cardigan she is wearing. She responds by pointing at my cardigan saying she knows what it means. I show a tattoo on my hand which she recognises.
Then along with her partner we had a good chat about buddhism, taoism and THE DUDE.

For the first time I can recall in 5+ years I put the toilet roll into the holder/roller thing properly.
That is ... wow
Maybe this is the start of me getting organised!

Is it working? I don't know, but I'm fairly sure it will, in the end, be part of the solution.
At any rate it's the only time anyone tells me that I am an okay person. Strange thing to value I suppose but my need for validation is real. It keeps me together.
She has established that a lot of my being like I am is maternal related. Had never considered that the bearer of me could be a narcissist but it sort of fits from what little I know. That plus the sexual abuse plus the later continual putting down of me has made me what I am.
I would say I can deal with that but I do not think that is the correct thing to say. Fact is what is done is done, the past is the past and nothing I can do now can affect that. All I can affect is what happens here. Now. Today. And that is where the problem lies.

I have no life events to look forward to. I have no-one to share daily life with. I have no-one I would consider a friend. I have no real idea of who I am.
So the question is - will this counselling let me find that out?

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